A common worry among parents is that their children will develop their experiences, traumas, and fears. Through the beginning of their childhood, adolescents retain most traits and actions that they observe from their parents. With this being the case, it is natural for children to acquire the trepidations and apprehensions that they witness within their primary role models: their parents. It is crucial for parents to be aware of harmful reactions and behaviors that can affect kids in order to fracture these generational cycles instead of continuing them. Keeping attention to the depiction of dangerous habits and irrational fears stops their reflection onto children. When the children do not see these fears in their parents, they are left with space to develop their own. 

Children’s personalities will begin to peek through as early as a few months old, and they start to materialize around ages three to five. Around this age, their true colors shine through in how outgoing, kind, and rambunctious they are in and outside of their homes. Developing these little personalities can be arduous, and parents may experience an increase in attitude or emotional fluctuations within their child. Some parents affectionately nickname their children “three-nagers” at this stage, comparing this transition to the one of puberty experienced by teenagers. Adolescents extract elements of their personality from their parents, friends, and other influential figures. As their traits become obvious, the similarities between them and the traits of close relatives or friends are apparent. This means that children can be quick to anger like a parent, silly like a friend, or kind like a grandparent. Their personalities could also change according to what they experience through their first years of preschool and Kindergarten. If they are surrounded by rowdy peers, they might develop into rowdier versions of themselves. 

As parents of young children know, kids tend to be afraid of trivial things like the dark or birds. These fears seem true and understandable to the children, but parents and other adults realize that they are truly irrational. In the same way, parents’ fears from past traumas are reasonable to themselves, but are nonsensical for their children. Parents risk the possibility of passing these fears onto their children through their actions. If they do pass on these trepidations to their children, parents are continuing the cycle of generational trauma, or the cycle of trauma through family generations. By keeping this cycle

going, children are permanently affected, meaning that their future relationships, future careers, and personality could be changed. As definite as this cycle may seem, it can be broken by the parent before it is passed onto their child. The process of breaking the tradition is tedious and can bring about negative memories for the parents, but it is worth it in the end. Getting to see the child grow up and experience a future without the weight of parental trauma is the greatest gift for parents. 

The question remains: will these children be affected by the fears that they witness from those around them? Based on how children are affected by the personalities around them, it is safe to say that they can also be affected by the fears of those around them. However, how fears manifest themselves can be different for each child. Some children will react to this exposure by exerting greater anger issues, less regulation of emotions, and an increased sensitivity to outside factors. These qualities can lead to children facing difficulties in and outside school, which may only heighten their emotional instabilities. Another effect of these traumas is the separation of children from their peers. This can lead to feelings of inadequacy, thus inducing the never-ending cycle of heightened emotions and instability. In the long term, this cycle can mean that these children never learn how to properly regulate their emotions. Relationships and careers are dependent on stability and self-regulation. Without having proper regulation or stability, these children may not be able to proceed through adulthood with healthy relationships or prolific jobs. 

Among new or prospective parents, a common question is if their experiences, trauma, and fears (fear of a certain animal or fear of some sort of abuse) will be transferred to their children. Through their early years, children watch their role models’ every move and take those moves and gestures for themselves. Their personalities will be shaped by the most influential people around them, developing the children into forms that resemble their parents, relatives, teachers, or friends. Also determined by the examples shown to them, their fears can be irrational ones drawn from their parents’ own traumas. With these passed-down fears and traits, children may face difficulties through their childhood and adult lives. To ensure the livelihood of children, it is essential to remain aware of what is being shown to them, leaving them the space to form their own identities. 

Sources: 

Fries, Wendy C. “6 Ways to Help Your Preschooler’s Personality Blossom.” edited by Chang, Louise. WebMD. 2012

11/17/2024